It is a curious thing to behold that when my ego sits enthroned in the depths of human depravity and dysfunction like some foolish god, I can do naught but whisper a broken, "De profundis..." while at the heights and fullness of all my joys there is an abiding sense of gratitude. How is it that my spirit cries out to a great unknown without even the conscious exercise of my own will? What great beauty calls to me from beyond the gates of my reason? Why is it that the thud of knees falling to the ground makes more triumphant a sound than all the roar and clang and empty glory of each day? In the all and all, I am bereft of thought and only the stillness is coherent.
"What puzzles me most is how we, as mankind, tend to be most afraid of the things that mean the most to us. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts then, as these are also the things which can truly hurt us. To close one's eyes, build walls, numb the senses, and veil the heart, is to walk through life with a neutral expression; barely flinching, barely feeling. But to dare to flinch, to care to feel, though it can cause immeasurable pain, carries also the promise to touch every chord of elation within. Is it really that much better to remain safer than sorrier? I think that in reality, people end up more remorseful and regretful for disallowing themselves to feel genuinely and passionately for something. I believe in the human spirit - in kindness and compassion, in true passion and real appreciation. And I believe in taking that chance... reach for the stars knowing you run the risk of simply grasping at thin air, instead of forever wondering what miracles could have been.
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all barriers within yourself that you have built against it. This is love: to fly towards a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet. For only from the heart can you touch the sky."
~ Jalal ad-Din Rumi (1207-1273)
11 février - xxix IANVARIVS - 7 Addar I - 4 Yakatit - 5 Safar - 4 Amshir
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Il y a une bonne heure que j'ai eu 23 ans. Un coup d’œil à l’article du Wikipédia intitulé « 11 février » révèle qu’à côté de mon anniversaire il y a, entre autres, ces événements dont on peut se souvenir :
(Notez bien que j’ai choisi ceux qui me paraissaient les plus intéressants. )
la fondation de la nation du Japon par l’empereur Jimmu
la reconnaissance de l’Henri III comme chef suprême de l’Église d'Angleterre
la victoire de Napoléon à la bataille de Montmirail
le départ des soldats Canadiens (j’imagine pour la Guerre Mondiale)
l’indépendance de la Cité du Vatican
l’autonomie des Kurdes reconnue par le gouvernement irakien
l’élection de Margaret Thatcher à la tête du Parti conservateur britannique
l’ascension de l’ayatollah Khomeiny au sein d’un gouvernement provisoire
la libération de Nelson Mandela après 27 ans d’incarcération
l’apparition de la Vierge Marie à la Sainte Bernadette Soubirous à Lourdes (d’où vient la deuxième partie de mon nom)
l’annonce à Toronto de la découverte de l’insuline par Monsieur Banting et Monsieur Best
la naissance de Thomas Edison
la naissance de Sergio Mendes
la naissance de Sarah Palin
la naissance de Sheryl Crow
la naissance de Jennifer Aniston
la naissance de Brandy (la chanteuse)
la naissance de Kelly Rowland
la naissance de Taylor Lautner (le loup-garou)
l’assassinat d’Evelio Javier (un avocat philippin)
le décès de René Descartes
le décès du Léon Foucault (l’inventeur du gyroscope)
le décès de Sylvia Plath
le décès du Saint Grégoire II
Reading the OT makes me feel like a Marcionite or an atheist. In my head, I've compiled all I've read from, supposedly reputable sources, and this is what's clanging around in my noggin':
YHWH is clearly a Semitic desert god of war and El, Elohim, El Shaddai, El Elyon, Eloah etc. are all names for a Canaanite mountain deity. (These names, of course, also mean simply "God" and are cognate with the Arabic "Allah" and thus the Semitic roots of El probably go right back into the earliest history of the Semitic peoples.) They were merged together at some point in Israelite history, probably right after the downfall of the Canaanite city states. When the disenfranchised Canaanites abandoned the great city states and began the project of building the more egalitarian Israelite society, they were joined by Canaanite slaves who had escaped from Egypt and on their travels back to Canaan, those slaves had stopped by the land of the Midianites and picked up their god, YHW. YHWH and El were merged, as often happens in ancient pagan cults, and he was worshiped as the chief deity of early Israelite settlements, a king deity of a council of other deities, other elohim. Overtime, probably after the Israelite settlements had coalesced into the kingdoms of Israel and Judah, a minority group of Israelites, probably the elite aristocracy or priestly class began a spiritual civil-war for the hearts of their kinsmen; they pushed monotheism. By the time of the post-Exilic return to Israel, these monotheists were the majority and they doctored, edited and compiled the documents containing the stories of their tribal ancestors and in doing so, they projected their own monotheistic views to these earliest tribal chieftains. These were handed down throughout the centuries, down to the age of the coming of Alexander the Great.
Amidst the centuries of Hellenic influence of Alexandrian conquest of the Promised Land, the Jews were exposed to the philosophical monotheism of late Greek antiquity. The hellenised Jews that engaged in philosophy attempted to reconcile the loft Platonic, transcendent deity who contains within himself all perfections with their contemporary version of YHWH.
He used to come into the room and hold me early in the morning while I was still waking up. His scent perfumed my mornings.
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Just for fun - but can you imagine?
John is trying to be a good and mature person, but he has to admit that he gets so jealous and protective when he thinks of his friends talking to his ex. He just feels like they'll like his ex better or respect his ex better since his ex acted more mature about the break up and is probably all happy and social while John was a messed up fuck and is now filled with bitterness, self-doubt, self-criticism and unprecedented anti-social tendencies.
Guess it's something I need to work on.
I know, my Lord, that where your will bids me go I will find rest. Nothing else in this life calls me to greater joy and greater wisdom and greater agape - certainly nothing I could ever imagine for myself. Call me, Lord. Stir my spirit. Breathe in me.